A Grade 11 Video (as Criticized by Dean Cooper)

Back in grade 11, fellow CreCommer Adam Campbell and I produced a video of virtuoso proportions, combining philosophical depth with a rare attention to detail. Needless to say, the finished product was of extreme quality.

At least that's how our 16-year-old selves felt at the time. After taking over a year of schooling under the tutelage of video guru Dean Cooper, as well as film courses at the University of Winnipeg, I have come to realize that the once behemoth greatness of the mock-investigative report show, "The Ninth Ring," has become slightly diminished in my eyes (and soul).

This blog post will - at the risk of my own teenage ego - reveal to the world the stunted masterpiece that is "The Ninth Ring," and also provide a brief and honest evaluation by a fictionalized version of the man himself, Dean Cooper.

1. Poor Audio Levels – The listener’s ears are almost immediately berated by levels that are not only peaking well above zero, but are also inadequately pop-filtered. The rest of the video isn’t much better. Improper miking results in heavy background noise, and the clipped audio during the interview sequence makes the video seem cheap and unprofessional. 2/10.

2. Long Shots – Nothing was shot from more than one angle. And there are two shots that exceed 30 seconds. Good Lord. 0/10.

3. Flat Backgrounds – The interview sequence filmed against that piss-green wall is so bad that not even the decent depth of field exhibited in the outdoor scenes could save you. 1/10.

4. Lack of Foliage in the Foreground – No foliage equals no marks. 0/10.

5. Inadequate Lighting – Most of the shots are too dark. Even the outdoor shots with the host speaking to the camera are marred by shadows across the subject’s face. Honestly, how did you mess that up? 2/10.

6. “Talent” – Perhaps the video’s greatest flaw. Not only are the actors ill-suited for their roles, they strike me as being completely false and pretentious douchebags. I pray these hopeless morons never end up in CreComm. -5/10.

       Closing remarks: Do everything better. Overall score: 0/60.